The weight of feelings… pain or regrets, that one sided nature of a relationship when it ends. That’s this week’s musical theme. Ghosts and longing and things that make holiday season into hearts season harder.

Putting aside the literal lines about a book and a story (yes, I always hear Red Letters songs first), the idea of being able to read each others minds, to understand each other, and the “why”. That where did this go wrong from your perspective so I know what to do to fix it, or at least understand that yeah what I thought was fine wasn’t fine to you. Often times, our ghosts need closure.

If You Could Read My Mind – Gordon Lightfoot

Sometimes closure is taking the time to accept that you can’t make someone love you if they don’t anymore. Hearts are fickle and protective. If it’s ending slowly, you can feel that, and you might be able to have that one last night holding onto the past, before knowing that you have to stop fighting a battle by yourself. That, ultimately, you deserve more than you give returned to you. Relationships don’t last if one is a taker and never gives back to the giver. And when the giver finally takes control? It’s so hard because it’s more effort than just coasting in uncomfortable feelings.

I Can’t Make You Love Me – Bonnie Raitt

But, just because you know the reasons or make the decision, closure isn’t the end. It’s just accepting. The heart doesn’t forget for years to come, and your brain, if it’s been a long time, is coded for it. So you just live with this phantom of your life, until your brain rewrites them. Even after the time has gone, you still find things and moments that just trip back. Something that reminds you of them, something you off handedly want to tell them… Sometimes, you just don’t stop loving them, even if you don’t have them.

He Stopped Loving Her Today – George Jones

Speaking from experience, it’s even harder to move on when it’s not a break up. When something happens and it’s not oh we didn’t work out but I see you happy with someone else. When the reason is something that rips you apart, and takes your heart out of your chest too. When they become a ghost in the blink of an eye and you grieve everything. What you were, what you could have been, how to just accept someone being gone. Both that feeling of being with them and being so alone in it too. That takes so much longer to get footing in.

My Immortal – Evanescence

No matter how it happens, who leaves who… That weight? That’s where we come to everyone talking at you, Because you’re not ready, you’re still processing, and you need to do what makes it easier on you first. This last song has a great part about this in it. That not being able to hear others over the echos of the mind. That’s the feeling for a while, as you grieve what was and what could have been.

Everybody’s Talkin’ – Harry Nilsson